Less of Paige

Monday, December 12, 2005

Barlarjekoapg OR

"I'm so angry", or "there's family, and then there's family", or, lastly "the difference between real compassion and compassion-when-it-suits-me".

As you can tell, I couldn't come up with a real title. So I made one up and included all the runners-up. (Runner-ups???)

You know how you have your family? You know, the one you grew up with? That saw you through the awkward stages of braces and glasses? The ones that put you in therapy? The ones that you love- sometimes cuz you want to, sometimes cuz you have to?? And then, you know how there's your other family? The family you choose, they are your closest friends. The ones that you have grown with no matter what. The ones that, in your heart of hearts, are the family that you chose?

I have both. And my chosen family, doesn't have much of the first kind of family. What they do have is very, very dysfunctional, and that's putting it mildly. So I love to spend holidays with them because they are my family. My in-laws would be fine with this. In fact, when my chosen family didn't come to Thanksgiving, I heard it from my mother-in-law like 10 times. Because she? Is full of the real kind of compassion. And love.

Christmas is at my mother's. I asked her, and then invited my chosen family. Now, I know, that she really wants them there. I know she does. What I don't get is why she's acting the way she is. She can't have dinner at the same time we always have it (between 2 and 3 pm) because my grandmother is diabetic. Apparently, we now have to eat earlier. No, snack will not cut it. Oh, and she invited my grandmother's friends. Will the children of my chosen family make it not a good day for my grandma and her friend?? No, mom, they'll be fine. My mom, she talks alot about how she wants to be a surrogate grandmother to these kids. If this is the kind of grandmother she's going to be to my children, I'll leave it, thankyouverymuch. The final straw was tonight when my mother called my best friend and more or less made her feel unwelcome. She was rude and unkind. This is the same woman who had to leave her job to teach Bible study. Do they teach compassion at the Bible study she teaches?? And you wonder why I'm slowly but surely breaking away from organized religion. *snort* Talk about practicing what you preach. Sheesh.

What broke my heart today is when my best friend said to me, "Sometimes I just feel like no one wants me. Like no one loves my kids. like I don't fit in anywhere." Don't get me wrong, I understand that family is family. But why don't we have room for more family?? Why do they act like this? When my chosen family is included with the family I didn't choose, everyone loves it and has a wonderful time. Ask to do it again. Why why why all the drama initially?

I don't want you to misunderstand. I love my mother, very much. If she does move to Kentucky, you'll see a post about how upset I am. I just wish that what she postulates is true about herself translated into the real life picture. But you know what? It doesn't sometimes. Sh talks alot about being compassionate and being a true friend, but sometimes it seems like she hasn't a clue what that looks like in real life.

It will work out. Everyone will love each other. But wounds like these leave scars, and my friend, my chosen sister, she doesn't need any more scars. All she needs is people that love her and treat her well.

Nice Christmas spirit.


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