Less of Paige

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


I have, pathetically, lost weight several times. I lost it once when I lived far away, in California. I had nothing better to do than lose weight. My roommate had moved out and gotten married (that's the wrong order, but whatever), I had no pets, my boyfriend and family were across the country. I worked an hour away. I had nothing better to do than to go to the gym on my way home, plan healthy lunches and eat Lean Cuisine every night for dinner. I went to bed at about 1o when my shows were over.
But I was bored and lonely. I got skinny, and did it mostly on my own. When I moved home, I gained weight again, and brought us to weight loss # 2.
I came home. I was engaged, and that's why everyone thought I lost weight (you know, to fit into my wedding dress.) I contend it is not why I lost weight. I had a pair of pants that were my "fat pants". One day, I had a nighttime training to go to after work. My fat pants hurt so much that I had to go to Old Navy and buy sweats to wear to the training. I joined Weight Watchers that weekend. This time I had the support of my husband and sister to help. There was also a friend at work losing weight through WW, and she was a huge inspiration for me. I had some community around me.
I tried again in Jan 05. That didn't last long. Tried again from about Nov 06- March 06... not real seriously though.
Now we have this time. And there is one piece that I have noticed that is different- I have become more open about my feelings about my weight and my struggle to lose weight. And in doing that, I have found that there are far more people who feel the same way than I ever thought possible. I have this blog, where I am encouraged by comments. My sister reads and checks how my progress is going. I have this other blog, where the community feeling is just amazing. Everyone at work knows that I'm working on losing weight. Family knows. I've not made it a secret. If I prevail - when I am successful- I will do it in public. If I fail, it will be in public.

When I started my blog, some of the girls I know from a message board, who have turned into good friends, commented on the fact that I was putting this all out there. I still think it's one of the best things I've done regarding weight loss. I want people to know that they're not alone. So many people struggle with this. And if it's not weight loss, it's something else. I need to know that I'm not alone. Weight loss, and weight gain, and weight issues, and food and eating issues, can be so isolating if we let them. I've spent a lifetime not talking about how I feel about being fat and having trouble with my weight. It's so nice to get feedback. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

Some days I struggle with the fact that this blog can be so. damn. boring. All weight talk, all the time. But it remains important to me- the main goal of my blog is to journal my weight loss journey, and to share it if people are interested. If they are, I hope that what people take is that they aren't alone. There is someone who struggles with this every damn day. The added benefit I've gotten? Is knowing that I am not alone. Everyone who's commented, here, and the girls on our other blog, have helped me know that I'm not alone.

If we can all figure that out, I'm thrilled with the blog. Good writing, bad writing, boring, interesting aside. If we can all feel some community, what a great bonus for being honest with the big bad compassionate internet.


At 8:35 PM, Blogger Lisa said...


That was a great post. I see so much of me in your story. Change the words "California" to "Virginia," and "engaged" to "graduating" and you've pretty much got it down pat.

I don't know about you, but I don't think I have ever publicly failed. Even at the gym, I will hang in with whatever machine I'm on even if I feel like I'm going to die just so the person next to me won't see me quit.

But I get what you are saying about the sense of community - the key is that everyone cheers when you make it and, if one of us should "publicly fail", they will pick us up, dust us off, and convince us to keep trying until we get it right. I have a feeling that you're going to get it right this time. But if you don't, Jules, Kristina, Amy, Elicia, Tina, and the rest of us will will do what we can to make sure you have a setback, not a failure.

You're doing great so far, though!

[Okay, officially ending mushiness about community blogging now] :)

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Misty said...

I started my own blog about my weight loss journey...just a few days ago. Ran across yours and I just have to nod in agreement to most of what you've posted. Change mine to Oklahoma and had my first kid. Good Luck on your journey. I also did a post tonight similar to another one you've done. Really kinda eerie how much the thoughts are the same just spoken differently.

At 4:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paige, you are awesome and I am so proud to be your big sister. And so proud of you. You go girl!!


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