I did it.

I set my first goal to be 20 pounds by the next time I see my Sugar Doc.

I saw him on Friday.

On my scale at home, I weighted 190.8. That was 20.8 pounds LOST. Gone. Finite. Adios. Buh-bye. I was so excited that I jumped up and down and quietly shouted (someone was still sleeping). Then I got ready to go do the Sugar Doc.

I arrived and they took me back to take my blood and the moment of trust arrived. Last time I got on their scale the tech said "210". Friday? Friday was grand. Friday, the tech said "188". Music to my ears. lalalalalaaaaaaaaa. Even better than I thought. I was very excited. But more moments of trust were waiting. I had to see if the 22 pound weight loss (20 pounds, depending on which scale you're using) had lowered my insuling. Last time I was there it was 59.

So. I go into the waiting room and wiat for my doctor. He comes in, writes for a while. He says, "So you lost 12 pounds". I think I said, "Look again buddy". He had read the 210 as 200. I corrected him, and he told me I did a good job. He handed me my labs, and next to insulin it said 14. I said, "Is this MY insulin? 14?" He smiled and told me yes. I almost got up and did a little jig.

It felt so good. So, so, so good. It made not having Dairy Queen or Dunkin Donuts all summer long worth it. It made all the salads worth it. It made weighing every. single. meal. worth it. All the sleep I lost because I got up to exercise? Worth it.

It was icing, really. Because the feeling better, having more energy, having clothes fit, not feeling like crap all the time, getting compliments, wearing smaller sizes... those have all been fantastic. But I guess- well, those are the icing. The real benefit is that my health is better.

I was so nervous. What if my insuling wasn't lower? What if I hadn't lost the 20 pounds? What if it was 19? What if he told me it wasn't enough? What if, what if, what if I failed?

But I didn't. And my sugar doc said the one thing that I have been thinking- "this tells me you can do it". It DOES. This tells me I can have the discipline to make the right choices, bottom line. I'm stronger than my emotions and my impulses. I can make the right choices.

This feels good. And it's time to move onto my next goal.