Consequences

So. Turns out that what I eat, and whether or not I exercise, actually has consequences.

Yes, I know. If I haven't figured that out by now, what is the point? Really, though?

These consequences, they can be positive or negative. Like, when I follow my 'xchange, and exercise, I lose weight. And when I don't, I either don't lose or I gain weight.

One time, I wrote this long post about how I hate when people say, "Just eat right and exercise". I still hate it when they say that. I think it's ridiculously insensitive. Like 99% of people who are overweight haven't already thought of that, and tried, more than once. More than 10 times. I stand by the fact that losing weight is much more of a mental game than a behavioral one.

See, I do know that what I choose to do has consequences. But that doesn't always mean I make the right choices. Why is that?? WHY?

I went away to see my mom this weekend. From departure to arrival and back again, I ate crap. I didn't exercise. I could have walked, or actually done a video, or SOMETHING. I chose not to. I gained three pounds. THREE pounds. I was almost at my goal. Then, before I left, I was at my goal (but it doesn't count because it wasn't a monday. Please don't ask.) Then, I came back, and I weighed myself. And I was up three pounds and two pounds away from my goal. dammit.

Not only did I gain weight, but I felt like CRAP. I'm not kidding. I had no energy. My stomach hurt. I was moodier. I got lazier and lazier. It really, really sucked.

Am I beating myself up? For once, no. I'm moving on. I have done great the past two days. I'm bound and determined not to let one weekend kill me. It's not the occasional weekend that put on the extre 80 pounds that I carry around, it's the belief that one weekend turns into months and years. This time? I'm not letting it. I'm looking for those positive consequences, instead.

Also? You guys, I see the old Sugar Doc on Friday. I had my blood drawn last Thursday (before my mom's) and I'm nervous. Not only do I want him to tell me my insulin has gone down significantly, I need him to tell me that. I'm scared of how I will react if it hasn't. I hope, and will work towards being ready for either news, and towards having either news motivate me to keep going. But still. That's easier said than done.