Where has all the motivation gone???

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

I haven't written in a while, because the journey? It has stalled. This is a stall- not a stop, but it has stalled. I work at a Jewish agency, and we have alot of time off this week. That is SO HARD for me because eating right and exercising, for me, and easiest as part of a routine. And right now I have no routine. For all of October, I have these random days off. The gym is Jewish too and they are closed on the holidays (i'm not just talking the holidays that schools are closed for. I'm talking almost two days off every week.) So, I'm all over the place.

I went and saw the nutritionist. She was very nice. Blonde and thin, but not as thin as the intern who sat in with us. She was really skinny. I was happy they weren't fat, though, because then how could I trust their advice?? So I dealt with that. The main one suggested that I go on the diabetic exchange program. Basically I get a certain amount of each type of food each day- like, 2 fats, 4 starches, some milks, meats etc. It should be... interesting. It's alot to get used to. So I'll keep you all updated on the new plan.

In the meantime, I did a few other things. I went shopping, and bought pants in the NEXT size up. Oh my good lord. It's so so so so hard, and at the same time, I need things that fit me. So I had fun shopping, but I am looking forward to the day when I can go shopping cuz I have no clothes SMALL enough to fit me. I have clothes now in sizes 12-18/20. So when I can go shopping cuz I don't have clothes small enough to fit me, OMG that will be the best. The nutritionist says that I'll lose weight at about one pound per week. bleck. Why not 2o??? It feels like I can put it ON 20 per week (not really but that's not the point). But I'm getting ready to do this long term, aware that while I wanted to look cute in this year's Christmas pictures, maybe I'll have to look cute in next year's. I'll get there.

If anyone's reading... I'd love some motivation. Have you done this? Have you lasted the long haul? Have you started and stopped and started and stopped? tell me how this goes for you. Anyone. Thanks.