Snail and Hippo

I think I've mentioned before, that I've tried Weight Watchers before. Twice. The first time, I kicked Weight Watchers ass. I lost about 30 pounds. I exercised. I swam. I was an expert points counter. And I lost weight. Then I got married. Then I gained about 36 pounds or so. When you celebrate every 2/10 of a pound, 36 pounds is sad. It makes you sad when you finally go back to Weight Watchers and step back on the scale and cringe at the number. So, I went back the second time. And in about four months I lost about six pounds. It also was sad. It was so hard last time, and I can't for the life of me figure out why.

Weight Watchers talks alot about lifestyle changes. You can even become a Lifetime Member at Weight Watchers. Once you reach your goal, if you maintain that for six weeks, you're a lifetime member. You don't have to pay anymore and you have to weigh in at least once a month. The point being? Diets don't work. We all know that. We all know that diets don't work and if you want to lose weight and keep it off you have to make a lifestyle change. And not change back. Otherwise, well see above about 36 pounds.

When I started Weight Watchers, I was determined I was not going to be one of the people who were back for their third time. I was going to do this ONCE and it was going to be a lifestyle change and that was that because I was tired of being fat. So smug, was I. Then I got closer to being married. Then I got married. Then I realized I was paying $10 a week for people to tell me I was gaining weight. So I took a "break". Then I gained 36 pounds, and decided it was time to go back.

So I went back. Bound and determined that the 2nd time was the charm. The second time was dismal, as I mentioned before. Which was when I decided that it might be worth my while to try something, um, different.

Fast forward through lots of blood tests and you get a doctor telling you that you need to lose weight- not only so you can feel good about yourself again and not avoid shopping like the plague, but also because if you don't lose weight you're on the fast track to diabetes. And having just watched your grandma suffer some serious complications mostly stemming from diabetes, you know you don't want to go there. So I went to a nutritionist, who introduced me to the 'xchange. Which I like a lot better that WW, for the simple reason that it gives me more structure and forces me to eat more healty. On WW I can eat in my points, but I choose ice cream for all my points, that's my choice. Obviously they don't encourage that, but still. The option is there.

However, the 'xchange still must be a lifestyle change. Unless I want to lose weight only to gain it back and then some. Which brings me to my point (which actually is not to tell you the story of my weight loss attempts). Sometimes, it makes me sad that I have to change my lifestyle. See, I loooooove food. Especially food that's bad for me. When I see coworkers bring in McDonald's, and D'Angelo's, and Wendy's, and eat it all, well I want that option. I want to be able to eat whereever the hell I want. But the thing is? I'm not built like everyone. First of all, I don't have a stop button. Second of all, I gain weight. Quickly. I put on twenty pounds in a year, twice. (In 2002 and in 2004). And in 2003, from August to January (that's five months, folks) I gained the aforementioned 36 pounds. In other words, I have to be really careful, because apparently I have the metabolism of a snail. And the appetite of a hippo. And sometimes, it's just so damn frustrating. I want it opposite. But noooo. But this is part of growing up, getting to know myself, and treating myself well. I have to accept who I am- someone who really can't eat crap willy-nilly and not pay for it- and I have to deal.

but I don't always have to like it.