Less of Paige

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Who I read and what that says 'bout me.

I was introduced to blogs for the most part through a board I mentioned. Someone posted: what sites do you browse when you're bored at work? Someone else mentioned Dooce. Well, I read me some Dooce. And read, and read and read. My whole way through the archives. And I loved it. To me, it was like reading a book. And I still love it, cuz now my book gets updates- I don't have to wonder "Hey, what happened?" (I KNOW it's not a book, it's real people writing real journals. But still.) And I thought, hey, I'd like to write a blog. Then I thought, nah, I'm not good enough. Then I decided, who the hell cares, cuz who's gonna read it besides me??
Once I finished Dooce, I started in on Mandajuice. I really love her site, mostly cuz it's real. Those are two of the only maybe three or four sites whose archives I've read. The other one site whose archives I've read all the way through is From 0 to 5. I love her site cuz it's a great account of real live foster parenting, and I'm soon going to be one of the social workers working with families like hers. I love her accounts. From her I connected to one of her daughter's sites- Kaia's Soapbox. Good stuff there too.
Most of my other sites I linked to from either Dooce or Mandajuice. When Dooce when to blogher, she mentioned a bunch of other bloggers, and I wanted to read them. That's where I found Mandajuice and others, like Fussy, and Finslippy. Amanda of Mandajuice has a great blogroll, including Amalah (who is so cute herself and just had the cutest baby going, and I've read alot but not all of her archives), Suburban Bliss, and SJ the Sarcastic Journalist of SheNuts. Also VeryMom (who also just had a baby and also introduced me to wondering about cloth diapers and such) and Wondermom, who I'm still getting to know. :)
I also read, and some of these are from previously mentioned lists and some I have NO CLUE how I found, but I did:
A Little Pregnant- her son was a preemie, and I used to work with parents and preemies as a social worker. SO that got me started. Plus she had her baby in CT, so while I read her archives the whole time I was like, was that at the hospital I worked at (it was at the same time?) but then I decided No, because I would have remembered.
American Family
The Mommy Blog
The Naked Ovary
Uncommon Misconception

I read two daddy blogs:
Shotgun Daddy and Daddy Daze

I read a couple of girls I know from boards
A Yank Gone South, KCB in Progress, and 8 Hours, which used to be The Fourth Trimester ;).

Lastly, I read Dana's Dirt. She works in Hartford, my state capitol, as a DJ. I don't listen to her cuz I'm sleeping when she's on, but I love me some celeb dish. So there that is.

What do all these people say 'bout me??

Some things represent who I am. I have a few adoption and foster care blogs- I really tend to feel like I'm snooping on those cuz they talk about social workers and I am one. But I love the perspective it gives me, that clients are scared to give me. In all honesty, their honest writing makes me a better social worker. Thanks, ladies.

I have lots of moms who blog (I think they don't like the term mommy bloggers?). I love love love reading about motherhood. That's cuz I hope to be a mommy one day, and hopefully oneday sooner rather than later. Again, I love the honesty about motherhood I get there. I also love the different perspective of the daddy blogs.

There are a few infertility blogs- see above about adoption and foster care.

One of my favorite parts about the blogs I read is that even though I say "infertility blog" or "adoption blog" or "mommy or daddy" blog- they're always about so much more. Something has stricken me about the way these people write, and I love hearing their stories. And I love feeling like I'm a part of watching them unfold, somehow. They push me to write more, and also to say more than just blah blah I feel fat.

Of note- there are no "weight loss" blogs. I can't find them. A few blogs of course mention "yeah I'd like to lose weight" but none like mine. The thing is, in the few I've found, it's all "this is what I ate today" and that gets old fast. Kick me if that's all I ever talk about. I want this to be more about my emotional journey than physical. And one day I want it to be more about my journey through pregnancy, and then mommyhood, and so on.

Thanks for hearing who I like to read. If you don't read these wonderful people, I strongly encourage you to start. If there are people you read I didn't mention, I'd love to hear about them.

Also, this is partly because I'm technologically delayed and haven't the slightest clue how to put a blogroll on my blog. If anyone can tell me in simple, step by step instructions, I'd love that.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Good, The Bad, and The Turkey

The Good
Ah. Thanksgiving? Best holiday I've had in a long time. We hosted for my husband's family. There was so much food it was ridiculous (see: The Turkey, below). We cooked and cooked and I cleaned and cleaned. It was crazy. But it made for a wonderful day. We had his mom, uncle, and great aunt and uncle for dinner. Then his aunt, uncle, and cousin joined us for dessert. It was so nice. Everyone was so sweet- how nice our apartment was, how good the food was, what a great day it was.
Then, on Friday, it was off to my sister's in New Jersey. We went bowling, it was my niece and nephew's first time. We all learned that when you have two young children who are rolling the ball down the lane, there's really no reason to play more than one game. Really. Because that one game? Takes about as long as six games. So when you're done with the one, and the seven year old has beaten you by one point, and the only person you've beaten is the three year old, and she has to have help to get the ball down to the pins without stopping halfway, you're done. But that was our Thanksgiving, and it was good.
Because it's a Thanksgiving day post, I'm going to tell you what I'm thankful for:
~My hubby. Because he puts up with me. every day.
~My family. My sister, my niece and nephew. My mom. My in-laws. Really, they're all amazing and I love them. What would I do without my family? I may whine about them, but in the end I am the one who's blessed.
~My friends. They keep me real.
~I have a home. And food. And a kitten. And wow, those three things make me blessed.
~For this second, I'm thankful that I have enough food to eat to get fat. Some people? They have swollen bellies because they have nothing to eat or their food was contaminated. I'm blessed.

The Bad
Well, I'm fat again. I gained alot back the week before thanksgiving. I don't even want to think about what I've done to myself this past week. It's bad, very very bad. And I totally lack the motivation to begin again. I'm just so damn tired of caring. I'm tired of worrying about it. I'm tired of hating my body. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of all the things that go with fat. I'm tired of feeling uncomfortable around everyone, even my family and friends. This sucks. So, so bad. I'm mostly frustrated with the fact that it's no longer about how I look or feel about myself. It's about my health and the health of my one day children. No pressure, though, right????

The Turkey
Cuz we worked so hard, here's what we ate. :)
Stuffing (I didn't eat this but we made it)
Sweet potatoes with apples
Applesauce nut bread
Cranberry grape salad
mashed potatoes
green bean casserole

Pumpkin Pie
Tollhouse Pie
Blueberry Pie
Strawberry Rhubarb Pie
Chocolate Peanut butter stuff
Some bread stuff
Chocolate cake

We didn't make everything. My mother in law, husband's aunt, great aunt, and uncle all helped. :)

Overall, it's been a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Oh! And did I tell you? I'm done with Christmas shopping AND with Christmas cards. I may be fat, but I'm efficient dammit. So there.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Playing Dress Up... Or not...

Well. I talked last time about the fun I was anticipating. Turns out some things were better, some were worse. WORSE, if you can believe it.
The girls in her wedding party are, for the most part, very nice. Most of them were hilarious. One was a little loud for me, one a little quiet, one a little wild, and one was just right (do I sound like Goldilocks? I think I do.) I found myself wanting to be friends with the one who was just right. Funny thing was, she was the one I was the most nervous about. See, she doesn't use paper towels. Cuz it's bad for the environment. And she, like, cares. And I, like, could care less. But she was cool about it, and so was I, and we were both appropriately self-deprecating about our beliefs. I liked her.
Two things. One was that I felt like I would feel uncomfortable. I didn't. I made myself at home- apparently too at home. Because I ended up basically finishing up the lunch-of-things-I-don't-eat and then serving it. Then I held the baby while everyone else ate. Then I cleaned up. All of that, with help, I don't mind- I like being helpful. It gives me something to do with my hands and makes me feel less out of place. However, I HATE it when I'm the only one doing it. It makes me bitter. Not at my house- there I'd rather just do it. But when I'm at someone else's house, NOT hosting, I don't feel like I should do ALL The work. One bridesmaid (too loud) offered to help. She brought two dishes into the kitchen then went on with the being loud. The other matron-of-honor (too wild) stood in the kitchen and watched me work. I'm trying to not make enemies out of these women, so I did not snap at her (as I wanted to): "If you're going to stand there and watch me, you may as well help me." I refrained.
Also worse:
Oh. My. God. Bridesmaid dress shopping. Here's what I was expecting: to go to try on dresses and have to come out with it unzipped or look terrible in it cuz it didn't fit correctly. Here's what happened: we get to the place. We are directed to the collection of tea-length dresses. We look through. Too wild doesn't like anything that I and Just Right like (we're talking bottoms of dresses. That's it.) Then we pick four that the bride would like to see. And then we look at the sizes. They range from 10. to 12. Two Whole Sizes. Neither of which THIS girl fits into.
Everyone was fine- no one made a big deal of it. It really, really, really sucked for me. I wanted to cry. Instead I took Just Right's baby from her so that she could go swimming in the 10s 3 months after carrying a human inside of her body.
Way, way worse:
(this makes three things. Sorry.)
The car ride home. I ended up in tears. Also I screamed at my stepfather when, after I wanted him to tell me how to get OFF 90-E he tells me, not once, not twice, but THREE times how to get back ON 90-E. It was fun. I then cried three more times on the way home. I think it was a combination of everything- being away from my husband (who had a miserable weekend putting up curtains), my kitten (who missed me terribly), the dresses, the overload of female interaction, and the excessive time spent in the car. I was tired and done.

I don't think I'm going back to Rochester anytime soon. I need me a break.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Leavin... In my little Honda...

(you're supposed to sing the title to the tune of Leavin... On a Jet Plane...)

Tomorrow I will get in my Honda and drive the 6+ hours to Rochester, NY. One of my closest friends is getting married. No, not this weekend, next September. But on Saturday, of this weekend, all of her bridesmaids and matrons of honor (which I am one of) will be getting together for a "ladies luncheon" to "get to know each other better" and then go pick out bridesmaids dresses.

Don't get me wrong, here. I love Amy to bits and pieces. As I said, she is one of my nearest and dearest. And I am thrilled and honored to be in the wedding, and to be a matron (I hate that word. Can I still be a maid, even though I'm married???) of honor. However, I don't want to go to Rochester. I don't want to have a ladies luncheon and I don't want to pick out bridesmaids dresses. Here are the issues: To go to Rochester I have to leave my husband. At what is inarguably the hardest time of the year for him. I hate leaving him period., much less at this time of year. I also have to leave my cat. I know, I know, I'm a big big wuss. But I love my husband and I love to be home. Flame on. Second, I don't do groups. Especially not groups of girls. For the most part, girls get on my nerves. There is a very special group of ladies who do not get on my nerves in a group. But they're different. And I know them, they're not strangers. I hate stranger girls. I hate having to be nice. Ugh. I'm such a bitch. So sue me. Also, from what my friend Amy tells me about some of these girls, and from what I've seen, well... I'm not so confident about liking some of them. Third, and last and then the whine is almost over: the bridesmaids dresses. See, I believe that picking them out will involve trying them on. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm a good 80 pounds more than I want to be next time I try something on. In public. With a group of girls. That I don't even like. Without the option of going home to drown my sorrows with my husband, cat, and some ice cream. Also, I hope to be much skinnier by the time the wedding rolls around. So I am loathe to try on dresses now. But I get why she wants us to. So of course I'll go, and be the awesome matron of honor that I am. I'll be missing my husband, my cat, and I'll be slightly uncomfortable, but I'll enjoy being with Amy.

I'm so excited she's getting married. Her and Jim make a really cute couple, and he's awesome with her. And she's waited for so long and been so patient. She so deserves this. I hope I can be a good maid, er, matron of honor.

Someday in the future look for a post about her bachelorette party. Trust me, it'll be good. I'm going to title it, "Less of Paige the Prude".

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


If you eat: chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chip cookie dough, fast food including two kinds of fries and a milkshake, unlimited everything you want, you will gain two pounds.

After losing six, gaining two is a big damn deal. It sucks. This suckiness will propel you to eat well. Then you will want to have chips. So you'll sacrifice 1 milk and 1 fruit for chips (2 starch). And hope that's ok. But only halfway care.

In other news, there have been big changes in Less of Paige. As in my life, not the blog. Because there IS less of me. :) I got a new job!! I'll be going with something mildly if not at all challenging to something much more frustrating and challenging- and I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm going from a teeny agency to a much larger one. A place with not many opportunities to one with lots. I'm hoping it works out well. If you see panic set in in May, you'll know something bad happened. But I don't think it will.

We had 5 sets of curtains to hang. 1 was the set that I attempted ha ha ha, and Khalil hung that set and one other one. Only three more to hang before Thanksgiving, and only two weekends! Crap! The numbers don't add up!!

Ugh. I'm even bored of myself. Everyone else is writing about fall, and how great it is, and other cool stuff. Me, I'm just boring.

Friday, November 04, 2005

A Gold Star for Me!!!

It's working!!! The Diabetic Exchange Diet, it's working!!

I lost 3.5 pounds this week.
Total of SIX pounds, go me!!!

(wow, there's alot of exclamation points in this post!!)

In Weight Watchers when you lose five pounds, you get a gold star sticker. When you're losing weight, and are subjected to doing it in a group of people, stupid things like stickers make you happy. I mean, really and truly happy.

This time, I'm not doing Weight Watchers. I missed my gold star.

Then my friend, she gave one to me. Well, a ton. Maybe one for each pound I'm gonna lose. And that rocked.

Many more gold stars to come!!!!!!!!

The Cat? She always wins.

As I type this, my kitten (who cannot be technically called a kitten for much longer, but to me she'll always be my kitten, I am SUCH A SAP) is sprawled across my chest. Purring. And she is also sopping wet.
Wet, you ask??
Why yes, wet. As in, covered in water.
Why, you ask??

Because she insisted on winning.

Tonight while we were eating dinner she climbed up one of the upper cabinets in our kitchen to the ledge above. As Khalil was saying, "Rory! Get Down!" I was saying, "Quick! Get the Camera!" (we have different philosophies about what is and is not cute regarding Rory's behaviors.)
As I was scrambling to get the camera, she jumped onto the ledge above the cabinets. I should describe. This is a set of free standing cabinets, above the stove. There are four cabinets. There are windows on both side- well, a small window on one side, the ledge of which she used to use to climb up that high, and the sliding glass doors on the other side with ugly mauve blinds (hopefully the blinds are being banished soon.) So. We use a water bottle to try and *insert hysterical laughter* get Rory to listen to us. Ha ha ha. This kitten does what she wants, when she wants. So Khalil gets the water bottle and I start yelling, cuz she's still not good about getting down from this particular ledge. I didn't want her to jump down. That's a good six feet. Maybe seven? I don't know.
He sprays her from one end.
She runs to the other.
He sprays her on there to try and get her to jump to the window ledge.
She runs back towards the doors.
They go back and forth at least ten times.
I have now dissolved into hysterical laughter because he's expressing his frustration with not being able to make her do what he wants, dammit.
He eventually got her down. But now she's asleep on me and smells more like wet puppy than cute kitten.
She won though. She got down when she was good and ready.